A title is simply not called for in some cases, but here one is anyway, hello!

Jesus, people. Jesus is to blame for my not writing! Jesus has a birthday, and we all have to buy presents for everyone we know! It’s outrageous, is what it is, and I for one will not stand for it.

Because of Jesus, my brain has been sucked clean of content. I have spent too many hours scouring the Internets for cheap train sets for my son, and now I can’t tie my shoes without drooling.

Also: cheap train sets don’t exist. If your son likes trains, you must sell your liver. It’s all part of His plan.