Not a good way to start the week.

Last week was a bit of a rollercoaster ride for the Finslippy household. I was Late, and I do not mean Late for an appointment. If you don't want to hear about my womanly cycles, I understand, and encourage you to visit tomorrow, when I will be talking about monster trucks.

Are they gone? Okay.

So as I was saying. In my years of tracking my periods I have only been *one day* late, ever, so this was a big deal. When I was at Eden's I developed the sorest of boobs, too, the kind where putting on a bra or taking a shower makes you scream a little. And Eden was jumping up and down around me and shouting PREGNANT! PREGNANT! She's a tall drink of water, so that’s something to see. I was trying to be casual about it, but inside I was jumping around as well. By the time I got home from California I was falling asleep every time I sat down, and as I drifted off my brain was singing, hey, look at that, I really am pregnant, it's about damn time. But the pregnancy test was negative. My ob/gyn told me to wait a week to test again, which I changed to "wait 24 hours," but then I got another negative, and then I decided that I was just pregnant, damn the tests; what do tests know, anyway? By then I was really late, and see above, re: never being late, so how could I not be pregnant? Of course I was. I googled despite myself, I googled "negative pregnancy tests but really pregnant," and I found all kinds of people who proved the tests wrong, as I would.

The night before I was to take the test, I began spotting. Back to Google I went, and googled "negative test and spotting but still pregnant!" and was reassured. I normally don't spot before a period, so of course that's what this was. A little pregnancy spotting! Nothing to see here, folks!

I woke up the next morning, yesterday morning, to the heaviest period I have ever experienced. I normally have the lightest period a person can get away with and still call it a period. It's a little embarrassing, how sissy my period is. So having this dramatic, um, cascade of, you know… it wasn't normal. So I guess all signs point to an early failure, a teeny miscarriage, but I hate to even use that word because I've had so many friends go through such heartbreak, and this was nothing, really. Mostly I was enormously relieved that it happened so early, that I never even had the excitement of a positive test to get my hopes up. And anyway, who wants a pregnancy that starts out with negative tests and then goes to spotting and then you're a nervous wreck for the entire first trimester? Oh, who am I kidding, I would have taken it. So yeah, I'm a little sad.