Oh, Juju.

I can't get over Juju Chang. I am seriously entranced by her. Her intro is so rhythmical and perfectly enunciated, with the expertly choreographed hand gestures—it's like Gilbert and Sullivan and sign language, all at the same time. Except utterly meaningless!

"Long before there were Alpha Moms," (And … turn to the camera to direct our eyes right at the audience, arms outstretched, JUJU LOVES YOU)

"marketing experts understood the s--" ( let's bring the hands together and touch our thumbs to index fingers-- this is SO OBVIOUS, PEOPLE)

"—imple fact that moms"

(now we're moving our hands over to our left, because we're talking about the moms, and they're over there, on the left, all behind Juju, LOOK AT JUJU)

"control about EIGHty percent " (put those hands out again, so they know eighty is a big number)

"of household spending decisions—a proportion that represents 1.7 TRILLION dollars" (now do the thingy with the thumbs and lean forward, because 1.7 trillion is a bigger number than eighty!)

"in potential sales to advertisers. But now marketers are beginning to tap into these so-called 'alpha moms'" (air quotes! No one does them like Juju!)

"to get them to lead the way." (And… smile! Another brilliant Juju moment!)

Meanwhile, we've all forgotten that the initial intro by Robin "I wrote a book! I will spend most of the earlier segment talking about my book! I will make commoners ask me questions about my book!" Roberts was about alpha moms being mothers, and not at all about alpha moms buying things. (Not that Robin "Alliterative name! You love it!" Roberts' intro made an ounce of sense, either.)

No matter! Everyone look at Juju's silky hair!

Many of my faithful readers are up in arms over the GMA segment, and I wish I could be the same. I'm so jaded, people. I'm cynical and bitter. I went into this fully expecting that the actual message would not be relayed in any accurate or meaningful way. What morning-show segment ever shed light on anything?

The good news is, no one's pelted me with raw eggs and shouted, "Scramble those, Alpha Mom!" Yet.