Well, it seems my son has SCARLET FEVER. Actually the doctor put "scarlet fever" in quotes, like that, air quotes with her fingers, because it's really just strep throat with a rash, blar de blar, no one get panicky. Of course I did anyway; I was all, SCARLET FEVER! All caps! What shall we do next, doctor of physick? Do we procure for him a bloodletting? Retire him to his bedchamber for a fortnight?
I knew something was going on when he entered our bedroom this morning looking like someone had beaten him up. You can't get anything past me, nossir. His face is all angry and blotchy and he has the puffy watery eyes of an allergic basset hound. It's the saddest thing I've ever seen.
And now we have some antibiotics and we're watching some television. Once again, medicine and technology join forces to save the day!