(Oh, lord, the pet hair. It's not like it's Scott's fault for not keeping up on pet-hair removal. It almost doesn't matter no matter how much you clean, and knowing that leads you to give up. The pets are competing to see how much hair they can get to cling to everything. And have I told you that Charlie's hair is, literally, barbed? So it hooks into rugs and pillows and you cannot vacuum it out, oh no, you have to brush it out and then vacuum and who has the time for that? He should pay me to clean up his mess. His pointy hairs even get stuck IN MY SKIN sometimes. I'll get what I think is a splinter and it's a dog hair embedded in the ball of my foot. The cat, meanwhile, is too fat to properly groom herself, so enormous wads of cat fur will periodically eject from her bottom half and land on my face while I'm sleeping.
And yet for some reason we keep them around.)
It's time for a quick run-through of Part I of our incredibly fun book tour/Mom 2.0 trip. Shall we? Let's do.
First of all, Portland. It appears that no one is in Portland. We would walk and walk and walk, and no one would be around. We feared that maybe a zombie virus had taken over, but then we did run into a few people and they were alarmingly cheery. Portland's zombies are ruddy-faced (for zombies) and unfailingly kind.
I didn't take many pictures in Portland, or at all, really. I brought my smaller and less-good camera, so I wasn't thrilled by my photos. And I know you all expect NO LESS THAN PERFECTION FROM ME. But then Eden kept taking pictures of all the mossy trees? And I just go along with whatever Eden does.
Susan Getgood from BlogHer held our hands for the Portland leg of the book tour, which was kind of her, especially since there are two of us and if one of us had one free hand we might get into mischief, so she really had to focus. You can imagine how tough it was for her when she drove us to the reading and I kept trying to unbuckle myself from the car seat. I might have asked some uncomfortable questions about polyamory, as well. Don't ask me why. It's in the air in that city. (That's your new slogan, Portland! "Portland's Polyamorous!" Email me and I'll tell you where to send my check. And no, I won't accept your BeaverBucks or whatever your Oregon currency is. You have special currency there, right, Oregon?)
The day of our Portland reading, without fail almost every single person I knew from Portland sent me a tweet and/or email letting me know that DARN IT that day was the ONE DAY they had some other obligation, wouldn't you know it? But good luck! Most of them had reasonable excuses (most of them) but the collective effect was discouraging.
I might have hyperventilated a teensy bit.
Despite my worrying/panting into a paper bag, we ended up with an enthusiastic crowd-let in Portland. And they laughed at our jokes, which proves they were drunker than we were. Also, the people at Powell's were so goddamn thoughtful and enthusiastic I kind of want to move to Portland just to hang out with them. Maybe they'll be like that every day, for me! I can get the author's discount all the time, right? I'M A GODDAMN AUTHOR.
Next stop: Seattle!
Eden drove the rental car, as I am a delicate creature who can't put her hands on a steering wheel without suffering an attack of the nerves. In return I entertained her with tales of ex-boyfriends and my boisterous version of Wham's "Young Guns (Go For It.)"
(I know all the lyrics. Not to brag.)
(We didn't know George Michael
s was gay, you guys! In his denim capris! And are those…espadrilles? Toe shoes? Some kind of festive combination of the two?)
Where was I? In a car! We were driving to Seattle! Eden and I spent the three hours chatting happily and agreeing that we were perfect travel companions for each other and would never fight, ever. (You'd think that was some foreshadowing. You would be incorrect!)
And then we got there. Met by the glorious Jory Des Jardins of Blogher, who was probably clued in to the fact that we had been discussing polyamory and drinking way too many mixed drinks in Portland. She didn't let on, but we could see it in her eyes. The fear/curiosity. She said it was from the cold medication she was on. I still have my doubts.
Seattle is beautiful. We were there for approximately 30 seconds. Many of my favorite people in the world live in Seattle, and they all showed up to the reading. (AHEM, PORTLAND.)
That's Tina Rowley, aka My Favorite Person Who Is Not a Family Member or Eden, on the right! And her charming friend on the left! Oh, I should have written down names.
But we had to leave Seattle! So quickly! And then we were in San Francisco, where we had a few days to catch our breath, hang out with Maggie and other beloveds (Heather Champ! Holly, way too briefly!), and read in both Burlingame and San Francisco proper.
In Burlingame we read at Books, Inc., which was one of our favorite destinations. The store manager (Hi, Earle!) was so kind and he gave us GIFTS, you guys. Gifts! We both got tote bags, Moleskine notebooks, and dark chocolates. I ate all of mine before we had even left the store. I have a self-control problem. Eden is probably gazing serenely at hers right now. Maybe she's letting one of the dark-chocolate discs dissolve on her tongue over the next twelve hours. This is how she messes with my head.
And then…the next day? A couple of days later? We read at Green Apple Books in the city, and we had a teeny space to read in, but I like that because it makes even a small crowd look like more then we can handle. This particular reading came with groupies!
These adorable daughters of Jenijen were Eden's groupies alone, I suspect, but they let me sign their t-shirts and..faces as well. I was so Henry-deprived by then I practically threw myself at them and maybe I tried to smell their heads a little, shut up, I can't remember.
Here's the post-reading brunch-up. Lisa Stone was there to make sure we didn't polish off too many mimosas and take our tops off, Eden.
I loved these two. That's Kat on the left, and her hilarious friend whose name left my head almost immediately. I was too dazzled by her dimples.
Self-photobombing. It's a thing. (That's the lovely author of Suki Cooks, by the way.)
That's it for our BlogHer-sponsored leg of the book tour, aka The Part Where We Had Cheerleaders and Awesome. Next up: Chicago and Minneapolis. Which city won? You'll have to read tomorrow to find out.