Changes are afoot

Or are they "ahand"? Because I use my hand to make changes on the computer do you get it AHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAArup.

I am not referring to big changes, so don’t worry. Don't--stop that. Jesus, would you calm down? Yes, I’m talking to you, Jesus. You holy fret-machine. Seriously, take a chill pill. Did they not have those, back in ancient Jerusalem times? Take a chill root, then. A calming tincture.

I am considering making some changes to this site, but am hobbled by a few things: 1) I don’t know anything about web design, and 2) no, you don’t understand—I really don’t know anything about web design. Also 3) like, nothing. NOTHING.

So while I agonize over what changes to make and how and also who can I bribe and/or blackmail to help me, here’s one change that’s not too difficult even for me, and I am doing it right now, and it goes like this: I am abolishing my blogroll. Begone, blogroll! You are dead to me!

Let me splain to you why. The blogroll, in theory, is a living thing, subject to the whims and fancies of the author. In depressing reality, it becomes a definitive statement of WHO I LIKE, and if I happen to remove a blog or two, simply because I’d like the blogroll to not get overly encumbered and there are some newcomers I’d like to spotlight, the people I remove almost invariably SHED BITTER, HATEFUL TEARS and then SEND ME DEPRESSING EMAILS asking what they could have done to offend me. And then I have to tell them that while they are blameless, I just haven’t been keeping up with their blogs and it seemed disingenuous to keep them on a list. Which, in effect, sounds like I’m saying, “You know, I WOULD read your blog, I really would! Only you’ve just become so boring and only I have time for fun reads! You know?” (Which is not what I meant to say. Oh, I’m going to make someone else cry, now.)

Instead, I’m going to remove the blogroll, and then I can write entire posts about the entertaining new blog or person or video or WHATEVER I’ve found on the Internet, and I can share it with you. This way I have, you know, something to write about, and the subject of the blog post can be either delighted or indifferent, but at least I’m not hurting anyone. At least I don’t have to say, “By the way? No longer read this other person, as I have been told she smells like feet lately. Thank you.” No one need suffer.

Speaking of entertaining blogs, I discovered Hyperbole and a Half this week, and proceeded to read her entire site and laugh myself sick. How did I miss her before? It never fails to astound me, how I could have never heard of someone who has an enormous and loyal following. The Internet is truly a wondrous and baffling universe of fun and horrors. Hyperbole and a Half is the former. The Awkward Situation Survival Guide should be a requirement for anyone who claims to be familiar with the glory of the Internet. Read! Love! Daisies!