Christmas Eve Eve.

shopping list where's my shopping list crap did I buy enough rolls? Do I need to buy more liquor? Crap crap crap crap

Why hello, and welcome. Welcome to my holiday-addled brains.

wrap more wrap FASTER no WRAP SLOWER but BETTER where are the gift tags did I even buy gift tags this year? Crap crap CRAP

This isn't even an accurate representation of the activity up there, brain-wise. This is way too coherent to be accurate. In reality, my brain right now is a soggy mess of tinsel and nog. There are no words, just images of the Perfect Christmas that Will Be. My cortex is trying to sort it all out while my primitive brain finds whatever stale cookies I have and directs the arm-parts to put them in the mouth-hole.

do I have enough side dishes? I think I have enough but what if I don't? WILL EVERYONE GET UP AND LEAVE?

We're hosting Christmas for the second year in a row, and I'm actually really excited (albeit a teeny bit preoccupied and maybe a smidgen frantic). I love planning these things, although in the actual execution I sometimes wonder what the hell I was thinking. My entire family is coming, plus friends, plus Scott's parents. I'm not sure where I'm going to seat everyone, so I'm instituting a rule: Jews sit on the porch. Hell, they're Russian Jews! They like the cold!

Hide the rolls from the cat SHE WILL EAT THEM hide the cookies from the cat SHE WILL EAT THEM TOO let the cat play with the wrapped presents THERE IS NO FIGHTING IT

Ha, ha, I'm not putting the Jews on the porch. I am feeding them ham, though, which may be just as bad. While I do it I will shout, "You're here to worship MY messiah now, suckers! Eat your CHRISTMAS HAM!"

My audience is going to think I'm completely losing it now could I please shut up about the Jews in my family? Okay shutting up now

Anyway. I am off to contemplate and re-contemplate tomorrow and how the timing of all this cooking and cleaning should go, and so I will not be posting again until after Christmas. At that time, I will report on the holiday goings-on in the Finslippy household, and whether Santa got Henry all the presents he asked for (hint: yes) and if I managed to poison anyone (unlikely, consider the ham is already cooked, and everything else is vegetables, but you never know) and how much liquor was consumed.

Happy Everything, readers!