But dear Internet: I made you this valentine. It’s a red heart, see? I cut it out myself! With some bits of a paper doily all around the edges! It’s a little sticky from all the glue and sparkles. I pasted on some googly eyes, but they fell off. Oh, wait, here they are, on my shoe.
Why did I bother making this when you’re just going to throw it out? Because I love you. I love you, Internet. I want to date you. I want to invite you over, and bake you a casserole. I will gaze at you in misty-eyed adoration, and warble love songs at you as you eat. Sweet Jesus, you'll think, does she have to look at me like that? What am I eating? And why is she singing Anne Murray songs, of all things? and then you’ll make up an excuse about having to leave early. I’ll call you as soon as you run out the door and I’ll make kissy noises into your voice mail.
And then I’ll FedEx you the rest of the casserole.
You will be scared.
But it will all be out of love, Internet. You are my one and only. Don’t ever forget that. And never leave me. Ever.
Okay, okay. Seriously, now. Wow. I don’t even know what to say about the response I received to my last post. I am overwhelmed. Thank you.
Did I say thank you? Thank you. It doesn't seem like enough, but it's what I've got.