I leave for one week, and my son turns into a twelve-year-old.

Henry: My shoe feels funny.

Me: Do you want to take it off?

Henry (sighing): I'll live.

*

Henry (sniffling): I'm not going to camp anymore. I'm staying in bed until I'm ten.

Me: Let's discuss that tomorrow, shall we?

Henry: Tomorrow I'm going to remember this crying fit. And I’m going to remind you that we agreed I could stay in bed.

Me: Good night.

Henry: Until I'm TEN.

*

Henry's friend Sofia: (nonsensical babbling about something or other)

Henry: What?

Sofia: I know, right?

Henry: I didn't say "WHA??!!!", I said "what."