It turns out I'm a zombie, probably

I went to the doctor for my insomnia/back pain/headache because Scott insisted, even though I was pretty sure she wouldn't be impressed and would have nothing to say to me. And wouldn't you know it, I was right. ME. RIGHT AGAIN. I switched a few months ago from the insane grubby doctor who thought my name was "Alice Bundles" to a fancy doctor group wherein you can get spring water in the waiting room and make online appointments and get your blood taken whenever you feel like it. The service may be better, but no one's heart seems to be in it. The two doctors I've seen there are thorough, but detached. I need some hugs or maybe just concerned looks! Stop cleaning your beautiful offices and learn to love again!


This doctor I saw the other day was a new one to me, a (very clean) little wisp of a thing, just adorable, and she did a neurological test and saw that I was normal-ish and she basically said "meh" and I was like WHAT ARE YOU THE INTERNET and she concluded, "I guess I could give you Ambien?" Just like that. With a question mark. Ambien? I could give it to you? If you want it? Hmmmmrgh? I am terrified of such medication, however, especially since my Trazodone experience--

WAIT, did I tell about when I took Trazodone? I see by my archives that I did not! My psychiatrist prescribed this medication to help me sleep. He said, AND I QUOTE, "It's very benign. Some people feel a slight hangover the next morning, but it quickly passes. Very, very benign." Then he said "benign" a hundred more times until I was lulled into agreeing to take it. I took it ONE TIME and I woke up the next morning feeling as if I had been on the bender to end all benders. And I had not been. My head throbbed and ice-picked and did everything that heads should not do. I couldn't bear light, or movement. OH, and I had an interview with PBS that day. In the morning. In my home. So although I was in agony and nauseated beyond all belief, I had to clean my place. Do you know what it's like trying to vacuum when you have a migraine? I hope you never do. And then the pain did not fully go away, despite all the pain relievers in the world, until the day after that. I am not so happy with my psychiatrist, after that little episode. ANYWAY, back to my doctor story--

--and anyway you know I'd sleep-blog if I were on Ambien. I'd sleep-blog while eating through my pantry and scaring the cat. I asked her about melatonin, and she shrugged. She shrugged at melatonin! Even though you guys said it's awesome! Then she said it's used for jet lag mostly and she said this while she was typing into her computer, and I'm fairly certain she was on Web M.D. Maybe she wasn't a doctor at all? I should have asked to see her credentials.

The only time she seemed to really pay attention was when she couldn't feel my pulse. She was moving her tiny little doll-fingers all around my wrists for about a minute, and let me tell you, that got her attention, and it felt good. I suppressed my pulse some more, just for the hell of it. Have I not mentioned that I can stop my pulse at will? The surprises keep on coming, with me.

I got out of there pretty quickly once I could see that she was unconcerned nor did she particularly feel like talking to me. Oh well. At least it was covered by insurance? Question mark?

So since then, maybe it's my righteous anger at the doctor, but I seem to be feeling better. I've learned that I need to avoid wine, especially after dinner. For some kooky reason, even a small amount of wine at night will make me anxious. It revs me up! What can I say? A large amount of wine, by the way, will make me nauseated and anxious. Also, I often lose my pants. I've also figured out that Benadryl helps. I can relax enough that I don't freak out if I can't fall asleep right away. It didn't stop me from waking up before dawn this morning, sadly. But I guess you can't have everything? Question mark?

I know that many of you have touted the benefits of acupuncture, and I'm going to look into it. Remind me to tell you about the first time I went to an acupuncturist, though. And then you'll see why I've hesitated to return for so many years.