Guess which items I let my son play with this morning
a) an unplugged hair dryer
b) a plugged-in clock/radio
c) Charlie the dog’s gums
d) the contents of the upended bathroom wastebasket (tissue paper, floss)
e) container that once contained yogurt, and, all right, still does, in that Henry didn’t want to finish it, but is now feeding it to the dog, and kind of licking it himself, or at least pretending to
f) a steaming bucket of urine.
If you guessed everything but “f,” you’re correct, and as reward, you may judge me… now. No, wait. Okay, now.
Guess what I was doing while Henry was playing with the above items
a) sort of keeping one eye on him, but really reading a magazine
b) eating a waffle over the sink, real quick-like, before he saw me and decided that he deserved it more than I do
c) repeatedly asking him if it was time for his nap yet
d) Downing the bottle of scotch we keep around for when the grandparents visit (the grandparents enjoy the hooch, I’m sure they don’t mind me telling you) while making prank phone calls to ex-boyfriends.
If you guessed everything but “e,” well, I hope you’re right. Frankly, the morning is a bit of a blur for me.