My mom, folks!

"You're not going to believe what happened with my stove."

"WHAT HAPPENED."

"It's okay, don't panic."

"Don't scare me like that."

"Yesterday, I'm sitting in the dining room, drinking some tea, when the ignitor just turns on."

"What? For no reason? You were baking something?"

"No, that's what I'm saying. The oven was off, and suddenly the ignitor started clicking. First it was going click, click, click, then it went clickclickclickclick and suddenly there are flames and black smoke shooting out of the vent—"

"BLACK SMOKE?"

"Yes, so I ran to the outlet and unplugged it, and luckily it stopped right away."

"I don’t like this!"

"No kidding."

"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?"

"The repair guy's coming tomorrow, and until then, you know, we'll be using the microwave a lot."

"Alice, I hate to say this, but I think there's something wrong with that oven."