Noises you do not want to hear

Well, kids! We woke up this morning to bam-bam-BLAMPH-bump-bump-bumpity on the roof and since it was raining, I naturally thought, "Oh, dear, the roof deck furniture has taken flight again," and then Henry called from his room, "Something fell off the roof!" which seemed to confirm it, and as I wondered if we had killed anyone this time, Scott spied a MAN shimmying down a tree in our backyard. So it was not a furniture, but a person. Who leapt from a neighboring roof to ours, like he was some kind of super-villain. Good morning!

Henry was full of criticisms for the alleged criminal while Scott spoke with the police and I tried to give Henry the comfort and reassurance that he did not require.

"I bet he thought people wouldn't hear him because we'd be asleep. Well, guess what, idiot, there's school."
"The important thing to remember is, look how fast the police showed up!"
"Do you remember school? I bet not."
"And let's remember, he was just running away from something, he wasn't trying to get in."
"Plus, duh, we have windows! And we could look right outside and see him right there! Hello!"
"We're all safe, honey. You may now hug me."

At any rate, the police officers wandered around the backyard and trudged up to the roof and peered up at the trees as if they would yield clues, and then they left and I have no idea what happened. I hope this man was only engaged in some wacky adultery hijinks and not fleeing from a crime scene, and I bet that's not the case so I'm just going to hope no one was hurt.


Okay, I was WRITING THIS VERY POST and had in fact just finished writing the word "hurt" when there was ANOTHER eruption of noise, NOT A JOYFUL NOISE AT ALL. This one was a rrrrrrrrrrrrwwwhROOOOOOMPH and it was louder than anything should be, and I thought, oh, hey, the building's coming apart. So this is a good day! Of course if a wall fell off or the roof collapsed I would have, you know, seen it (that's the advantage of having all four walls of your home within sight at all times) so after I ran in circles for a few seconds (I am excellent when an emergency strikes) I hurried to the back window, where I saw THIS:


That is a tree that fell into our yard, causing the roomph noise. This is a tree whose branches are sitting in our gutters. That is a tree that came THISCLOSE to killing us all. Okay, not really. It's amazing to me that the tree didn't come down forever ago, since it's been dead since we moved in (it's in the empty lot just behind us, the lot entirely populated by romance-minded kitty cats). It might have come down when the (alleged) ne'er-do-well was climbing it this very morning! Oh, that would have been a story.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to take a Klonopin and practice my deep breathing.