On to more important matters

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And now, my cat.

If you've been here before, you remember the obese cat who's been on a diet for forever. Say hello, Izzy.

big boned


That picture was taken after many, many months of feeding her one (1) 5.5 ounce can of wet food a day. No treats, no anything else. Just that one can. She wasn't losing any weight. According to the instructions on the can, we were feeding her only a tiny fraction of what she should be fed, and we were killing her, BUY MORE CANS. (Public Service Announcement: never follow the portion advice offered by the pet food manufacturer. If I followed the instructions, I would be feeding her three or four cans of food a day, and she would be larger than me.) I was perplexed.

Then I caught her eating the dog's food. And it all became clear. Gnaw loudly at the dog's kibble when I'm not there, shame on you. Gnaw loudly when I'm in the next room, I'm going to do something about it. You should have thought that through, kitty cat.

Since that day, I put the dog's food out of reach when we leave the house. (I would say this punishes Charlie, only he never eats when we're not there, because when we're not around there's no reason for him to eat or drink or endure wakefulness, so he hibernates until we return and he can live again.) And now… we're seeing progress, people. Significant progress.

She weighed around 19 pounds six months ago, and today she is a svelte 16 pounds. (We're using our home scale, which is probably not the most accurate, but what can you do? Go to the vet every month? I am not composed of money! I am made of person!) When you hold her on her back (the only way she will endure being held, because she's insane) she doesn't wheeze from the fat compressing her lungs. Her fur is considerably less oily and horrifying, and I suspect she is able to clean more of herself.

Here is Izzy today:

Oh, Izzy.

I'm a fashion model!

Uh. Is it me, or does she look bigger than before in this picture?


big boned




Oh, Izzy.


I'm going to say it's the angle. Anyway, there's not much more we could be doing. We could not possibly feed her less. She already spends most of her day demanding food and imagining consuming our entrails. (I think.)


You are smarter than you look, human.