The post that contains the word "beyogurted," and is all the better for it.

Henry is now alternating daily between wooing and shunning me. He spent one entire day shouting GO AWAY, MOMMY whenever I glanced at him. By the end of the day I was in tears and I felt like some hand-wringing mom standing over her sulky adolescent son pleading PLEASE I JUST WANT TO TALK while he's all CAN'T YOU SEE I'M PLAYING [insert name of popular video game here]?

Then the next day he climbed on top of me while we were roughhousing and he purred, "Mommy's a lady." I started to say, well, woman, actually, but sure, but before I could get the words out he said, "And Henry's a boy," and then he proceeded to suck on my lower lip. So there's that.

Yesterday he was back to being disgusted with me, although it was more of the tolerate-the-old-girl-she-won't-be-around-for-long brand. At one point he looked me over and stated, "Mommy's dirty."

"Really? I am?" I said, because we were about to go out and I thought oh crap I've got blueberry yogurt on my ass, or Playdoh in my hair,it's happened before.

"Yes," he said, "Mommy is so dirty." "Where, honey? Do you see something?" I said, examining my jeans. Then he smiled at me, pointed at nothing, and said, "Look! A snowman!" When there was no snowman in the room. If that's not changing the subject so the woman will take you out already, beyogurted ass or no, I don't know what is.