What friends are for.

"I ran over a chipmunk today."

"Oh, Abby, why? Why did the chipmunk have to die?"

"It was an accident! I tried to stop in time. Then I saw it in my rear-view mirror, smeared across the road."

"Poor little chipmunk."

"Maybe it had cancer, and I spared it a gruesome, painful death."

"Or maybe it had just been miraculously cured, and it was running across the road to tell its family."


"I bet you killed it right in front of its family, too. Right when they were all, 'You're going to what? WHAT?'"

"Hey, look, a bunny rabbit!"


"It ran away."

"It smells the scent of death on you."

"I think that chipmunk was dying. I think I'm the Jack Kevorkian of chipmunks."

"That chipmunk was running across the road, calling to its beloved, 'HONEY, I'M PREG—'"

"I just knew you'd make me feel better about this."