Let's Panic About Babies!
This is a very funny book, written by me and Eden Kennedy.
BABIES.
Maybe you’re thinking of having one. There might even be one inside you right now, draining nutrients from your system via a tube growing from its midsection. Or maybe you’ve already got one around the house, somewhere, and you’re responsible for its continued survival. You’re saddled with a helpless being whom you’ve agreed to house and feed and love with all your heart for the rest of your life, more or less.
Either way, you’re confused, you’re frightened, and 911 won’t take your calls anymore. But don’t despair! Let’s Panic About Babies! is here to hold your hand and answer some important, age-old baby-related questions, including:
- How can I be sure I’m pregnant? (Torso swells gradually until baby falls into underpants.)
- Did I just pee myself? (Yes.)
- What happens if I have sex during my pregnancy? (Your baby will be born with a full, lush beard.)
- How can I tell if I’ve chosen the wrong pediatrician? (He/she can’t pronounce “stethoscope.”)
- How do I make sure my baby loves me back? (Voodoo.)
From the moment they’re created until the day they steal our cars, our babies demand center stage in our lives. So join Alice and Eden as they tell you (and your lucky partner!) exactly what to think and feel and do, from morning sickness to baby’s first steps. They know everything!
PROOF THAT PEOPLE LOVE US
“LET’S PANIC ABOUT BABIES! is the hilarious antidote to all those serious, earnest books that make you feel like you’ll never master parenthood. Deeply irreverent, and surprisingly comforting, this book will resonate with any parent or parent-to-be.”- Gretchen Rubin, #1 New York Times bestselling author of THE HAPPINESS PROJECT
“There are a lot of pregnancy books out there that purport to be "funny." This book is different in that it’s actually hilarious. LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES is the brilliant reply to every fear-inducing baby manual out there. You already screwed up royally by getting pregnant-- now do something smart and buy this book.”- Diablo Cody, Academy Award-winning screenwriter of Juno
“The next time I am invited to a baby shower, LET’S PANIC ABOUT BABIES! is what I'm getting the mom-to-be. Then I'm going to sit in the corner and read it, and it will be the first time in history that someone has had a howling good time at a baby shower. I love this book unconditionally. Brilliant, funny, fabulous. Every pregnant human being should have a copy.” - Mary Roach, New York Times bestselling author of STIFF, BONK, SPOOK, and PACKING FOR MARS
"Please read this book while wearing an adult diaper, because you will laugh very, very hard."- Susan Orlean, New York Times bestselling author and staff writer for The New Yorker
"An outrageously humorous, over-the-top guide to surviving pregnancy and child-rearing.
What's the most important thing women need in order to prepare for a new baby? According to the debut book by mommy bloggers Bradley and Kennedy, it's not formula, blankets or even a car seat. Come prepared with a sense of humor. Through absurd anecdotes, lists, charts and pictures, the authors satirize typical pregnancy handbooks in a comically ironic and often bawdy manner.
...A refreshingly unorthodox approach to a subject typically portrayed in a sappy, sentimental fashion."
"The authors of the very funny “Let’s Panic About Babies!” want to calm any anxieties moms-to-be may have about this "small, hairy bowling ball" developing inside them.
For instance, even as the debate continues as to whether fish is safe for expectant mothers to eat, this handbook declares that consuming lox while pregnant will have the rather nasty result of your baby being “born covered in capers.” Also, please be aware that drinking chamomile tea could produce an offspring who enjoys “Hummel figurine-collecting,” and be sure to avoid smoking clove cigarettes because they are “a gateway drug to hacky sack.”
Other subjects include: “Preparing Your Pubic Area for Labor,” “How To Judge Your Baby Against Other Babies” and “Ways To Handle the Crushing Fear that Washes Over You in the Dead of Night.” (For the last one, the authors suggest repeating a mantra: “I am excited to meet my baby, who will probably not eventually abandon me in a nursing home.”)
With a deadpan delivery and a wonderfully crude sense of humor, “Let’s Panic About Babies!” cleverly apes all those pregnancy and parenting guides littering bookstore aisles. It also draws from the proliferation of “mommy blogs,” where moms (and dads) argue about child rearing with overblown rhetoric."